I’ll never forget the moment I was told my mother wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital. August 11^th, 2007 at 8:00pm.
It was like the air left the room.
That possibility had never crossed my mind. Yes, mom was in the ICU at the Salem Hospital, but they’ll make her better, she’ll come home, life will resume. There were no discussions, no plans just me, and my sister suddenly faced with heart-breaking, gut-wrenching news. Followed by the decisions Patti, Dad, and I would have to make in the middle of an emotional storm. Later to realize that life was never going to be the same again.

I share this with you not for sympathy, but as a very real reminder of why early planning matters so deeply, especially in the journey of dementia. When we’re already overwhelmed, exhausted, and scared, the weight of critical decisions can feel unbearable.

This is why I stress to every family, every care partner please plan ahead. Not out of fear, but out of LOVE!

Here’s what I’ve learned from both personal experience and walking alongside others on this path:

1. Planning early reduces crisis decision-making.
When we make choices before we’re in crisis, we give ourselves the space to think clearly. We have time to weigh options, ask questions, and truly consider what’s best for our loved one and our family. Without that plan, we’re forced to make decisions in the heat of the moment, often without all the information we need and that leaves so much room for regret. Planning ahead offers breathing room when we need it most.

2. It provides clarity and peace of mind for everyone involved.
When you’ve discussed wishes and made thoughtful decisions together, there’s less second-guessing later. Families feel more unified, and you don’t carry the heavy burden of wondering, “Am I doing the right thing?” Instead, you move forward with clarity and peace, knowing you’re honoring the path you chose together. This doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it will feel less chaotic and more grounded and, most importantly, it gives you the gift of being fully present in the final stages of your loved one’s journey. I promise you, that is something your heart will carry with deep gratitude, never regret.

3. It helps ensure the wishes of the person living with dementia are honored.
There’s nothing more sacred than preserving the dignity and voice of the person we love. When we plan early, while they still have the capacity to express their values and preferences, we make sure their wishes guide the journey. It’s an incredible gift both to them and to ourselves to know that we’re following a roadmap they helped create.

If you take one thing away from this post, I hope it’s this: planning isn’t just paperwork or checklists. It’s love in action. It’s a way to honor your loved one, to care for yourself, and to create a softer landing for whatever lies ahead.

Trust me, your future self will thank you.